You have the power to heal your life, and you need to know that. We think so often that we are helpless, but we’re not. We always have the power of our minds… Claim and consciously use your power – LOUISE HAY
Self- esteem in simple terms is a measure of of our Likability of Ourselves. Self -acceptance, Self confidence and believing in our Capabilities builds up our Self -esteem. It can be evaluated in the terms of
1. Appearance
2. Emotions
3. Behavior
4. Belief
Life is about Growth. Biological needs of food, water, sunshine and shelter helps in our physical growth. We have psychological needs too which help us grow mentally and emotionally. If our basic needs are not met our lives become stagnant. We become a burden on ourselves and others.
Our self esteem is a result of satisfaction of the more basic psychological needs of
1. Competence
2. Autonomy
3. Relatedness
NEED FOR COMPETENCE
Human being have an inherent need to grow themselves. They must develop their Capabilities to reach their Full- Potential .When challenges, desire and skills match the person goes along with the FLOW OF LIFE rather than against it and reaches PERFECTION.
A lady who strives to be a good home -maker may keep her house immaculately clean.Yet another who wants to earn her own living might ignore the perfect placement of artifacts at home. Either will not be happy if placed in the other’s shoes.
NEED FOR AUTONOMY
Every individual has the basic need to take their own life decisions. Experiencing the fulfillment of their WILL according to their interests and values give their life a MEANING.
Many of us go through our lives by making other’s Goal our own and in the process unable to separate HAVING TO DO from WANTING TO DO.
A young boy wanting to pursue poetry as a career choice – is forced to take up engineering. He will feel frustrated and low on confidence throughout life.He may not be able to maintain his relationships in the future.
When need to autonomy is SATISFIED we feel Happy ,Optimistic and full of Hope but when it is UN-SATISFIED we feel Resentful, Destructive and Alienated.
NEED FOR RELATEDNESS
Relatedness refers to psychological need for Connectedness with Others. Quality of life depends upon the quality of our relationships.
Success is worthless if we do not have anyone to share it with.
Chances are A busy father may feel guilty for not spending time with family .
MARRIAGE AND UNFULFILLED PSYCHOLOGICAL NEEDS
We try to fill the vacuum of psychological needs through our spouses. No one relationship can satisfy all needs. It is important to have our own friends and remain connected to our family members.
Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence without the partner’s feeling loved and emotionally connected. While on the Outside the relationship seems stable- on the Inside unfulfilled individuals with DEFICIENT psychological need PULL BACK their partners growth.
If we explore ourselves we try to PROJECT our unsatisfied psychological needs on our partner’s and start controlling them.
For example we may feel unlovable and unnoticed because of our perceived lack of of good looks or talent. So we start making rules for our partners- What they can do and What they can’t do. Does in turn forcing them to notice us.
STEPS TAKEN TO ENHANCE OUR SELF- ESTEEM AND OUR MARRIAGE
1 Nurturing our inner motivational force
We have to find our own direction, path and goal.
2. Looking at the positive qualities of our partners
Motivating and encouraging our Partners- to fulfill their own goals.
3. We have to overcome our inner critic
We are competent and independent humans and we don’t depend on anyone else to complete us.
4. Do not give into jealousy
Ignore the inner voice which says stop talking, start shouting, play victim.
5. Focus on developing our own capabilities
Develop our own Hobbies and Interests. Become a fully functioning, independent, competent individual.
6. Spend time with Positive People
We feel energized after a motivating and encouraging conversation whereas we can feel completely drained after a negative and fault finding feedback.
7. Anxiety relieving methods –
Mindfulness exercises and Breathing exercises will help to resist our impulse to engage in Punishing behavior.
8. Give back to the community
Be a strong, generous, kind individual who uplifts a Person In Need -economically and psychologically.
